2.前后重复
在同一语境中出现两个或更多的表明同一意思的表达。在一篇短文中,每一个字都要有意义。简洁是写作的灵魂,不必要的重复常常使句子显得臃肿累赘,大大削弱了句子的表现力。
例:
(原): We had a serious crisis at school yesterday when our chemistry laboratory caught fire.
(改): We had a crisis at school yesterday when our chemistry laboratory caught fire.
(原): My sister and I bought the same, identical dress in different stores.
(改): My sister and I bought the same dress in different stores.
(原):That’s the mutual aid to each other.
(改):That’s the mutual aid.
(原):At one time total extinction threatened the panda.
(改):At one time extinction threatened the panda.
(原):Personally, I believe what you say.
(改):I believe what you say.
(原):Shall we collect the toys together?
(改):Shall we collect the toys?
(原):It’s very unique/perfect.
(改):It’s unique/perfect.
(原):The hillside has become indistinct to sight.
(改):The hillside has become indistinct.
(原):That rabbit is disappearing from the view.
(改):That rabbit is disappearing.
(原):It is blue in color, round in shape and small in size.
(改):It is blue ,round and small.
(原):They are the most beautiful buildings I have ever seen before in my life.
(改):They are the most beautiful buildings I have ever seen.
(原):She is attractive in appearance, but is rather a foolish person .
(改):She is attractive but rather foolish.
(原):For the purpose of clarity, we shall give each of you a translation of the document.
(改):For clarity, we shall give each of you a translation of the document.
3.句式结构冗长繁琐
先体会一下下列例句:
(原):While I was playing tennis, I decided that I would go for a swim in the lake.
(改):While playing tennis, I decided to go for a swim in the lake.
(原):She was delighted when she heard the good news.
(改):She was delighted at the good news.
(原):His words moved everyone who was present.
(改):His words moved everyone present.
(原):My father is a veteran worker who has retired.
(改):My father is a retired veteran worker.
(原):I am much interested in the fund-raising drive. One of the reasons why I am interested is that I enjoy helping other people.
(改):I am much interested in the fund-raising drive because I enjoy helping other people.
(原):Norman Green, who was a student at that time, wrote several best-sellers.
(改):Norman Green, at that time a student, wrote several best-sellers.
(原):What will be the result if Peter does not come?
(改):What if Peter does not come?
(原):All students in college are required to take different tests. These tests are for the purpose of determining what courses the students are suitable to take.
(改):All college students are required to take different tests to determine what courses suit them.
(原):In comparison with the writing of composition, the reading of literature is not as difficult.
(改):Reading literature is not as difficult as writing composition.
莎士比亚有句名言——Brevity is the soul of wit. 简洁的文字,简洁的结构,简洁的行文应该是我们追求的目标。在写作过程中,我们要字斟句酌,删繁就简,剪裁浮字,把那些与句意表达无关的赘词冗语大刀阔斧地剔除掉,用简短的词语和结构表达复杂地句意,使我们的文章不仅生动活泼,而且言简意明,干净利落。
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